It’s no fun thing to admit, but the romantic love stage of a relationship isn’t meant to last. Actually, there are three phases of relationships: the Ideal, the Ordeal, and the Real Deal. When we fall in love (the first stage), our brain becomes flooded with the neurons, which increase our positive outlook, diminish pain, and cause us to feel safe and calm. They help motivate us to make the commitment to a relationship. So that first stage is all well and good – but what happens when it ends? While at a barbecue party over the weekend, someone arguably proved that Romance could die 2 days into a new relationship for him, yes i did say “2 days”. Hence the need to know what to do when you feel like the romance has died;
Romance dies as a result of judgment. What you want to do is write down all of your judgments of your partner and ask yourself ‘will you let these go?’ Maybe burn the list or destroy it, and then put your arm around your partner and tell them how grateful you are for them. You do this every single day and start expressing your gratitude for her, to her, out loud and mean it. Then find 3 things you are grateful for him/her on a daily basis and tell him/her every single day. As your gratitude for him/her grows so will your lust.
Keep Your Expectations In Check
The romance will die; it’s natural. Ideal is the romantic phase, the ordeal is the next phase where you get into the power struggle and the real deal is what you reach if you’re lucky after that. Although we don’t stay in the real deal, we cycle round and round the ordeal and the ideal for the rest of our relationship.
I always say: Don’t do anything in the first 30 days that you won’t be willing to do in the first 30 years. If you start a relationship on unrealistic expectations of how you’re going to be, then you’re going to be a disappointment to your partner once they start a long term relationship with you. So it’s better to set realistic expectations in terms of how attentive you are (and even how much money you’re going to spend on them, trips promised, etc) from the beginning.
Do The Little Things (Again)
This [a complaint that the romance has died] is usually code for ‘I feel like you’re taking me for granted’. We all take our partners for granted occasionally, but it can make people feel resentful and sad. The good news is it takes very little effort to turn things around and show your appreciation. It’s the little things that count, not the grand sweeping gestures. Bring them food in bed, be sympathetic when they’ve got a hangover, make them dinner, bring them flowers for no reason, buy them that thing they admired when they didn’t think you’d been paying attention, pick them up from work, run them a bath, make sure you say thank you when they do anything for you no matter how small. It’s amazing the arguments and stress we’d all avoid just by showing a little appreciation.