If you want someone to be your girlfriend, you cannot expect that person to deduce that through some process of mind-reading and code-deciphering…
As most of us know, the friendzone is a place that romantic intentions go to die: It’s an elephant graveyard where men who aren’t quite good enough to make the cut as boyfriends are politely relegated to rot in the terrain of friendship, while the object of your affection is off cavorting with other, better candidates.
At least, that’s the depressing way of looking at it. In reality, though, it’s a blessing in disguise. Here are reasons why:
Friendship Is Precious And Nothing To Be Scoffed At
This isn’t the most exciting truth, but it is deeply important. Being told by any human being that they would like to be your friend should set your heart aglow rather than trigger complaints about a wounded ego and sense of rejection. Simply put, friendship is precious: It’s one of life’s great joys from the moment we are born until we die. Friendship is arguably even more precious than romantic love, because it is lasting, non-exclusive and rarely risks becoming overly intense, yet it’s intimate enough to soothe your deepest existential angst.
The Friendzone Hones Your Communication Skills
Often, the “friendzoning” process goes like this: someone decides they have a massive crush on someone else they know through work or a friendship group, or otherwise met in neutral, platonic circumstances – they took the same class at university, that sort of thing. But they never explicitly tell the other about their feelings to make it clear that they are keen to move things into a romantic sphere.
Eventually, the person who is unaware of the other’s feelings makes a comment about them being “such a good buddy” or starts dating someone else. At this point, the person with the feelings is furious.
This is not how adult relationships work. If you want someone to be your girlfriend, you cannot expect that person to deduce that through some process of mind-reading and code-deciphering: You need to express your feelings in words. Ending up in the friendzone is a sign you haven’t been clear about your intentions, and that you need to work on your communication skills.
The Friendzone Helps You Lose Your Sense Of Entitlement
Another important lesson to learn from the process of being friendzoned is that women don’t owe you their romantic affection, nor do they owe you sex. There is no rule of the universe which states that, as long as you have found a single woman who is friendly towards you and in whom you are interested, she must return your affections and eventually progress things to a romantic level.
The idea that a woman can “lead you on” by being kind to you or enjoying your company betrays a damaging level of entitlement towards them, and the mere fact that a single woman is hanging out with you isn’t some signed and sealed agreement that you are going to be lovers at some point. The very concept of the friendzone as a negative place encapsulates this entitlement, and that’s another reason it’s advantageous to reframe the friendzone as a positive – even fortunate – place to be.
The Friendzone Helps You Build Stronger Relationships With Women.
Learning to see women as fully fledged human beings with their own desires, values and goals as opposed to romantic prospects walking around waiting to be “won” by a man is a plus for everyone. For women, it’s great because it means their full humanity is being acknowledged, and for you it’s great because you can start to view women as multidimensional beings rather than things to be acquired, and that’s ultimately much more fulfilling.
The Friendzone Helps You Deal With Rejection
Okay. Let’s say you’ve read and deeply internalized all of the above points. You can see that friendship isn’t a consolation prize and being friendzoned can be valuable in a multitude of ways: It can clarify the need for clear communication, for example, and deepen your impression of women. However, you may still be feeling a niggling sense that being friendzoned still isn’t exactly what you wanted. You met a woman who you wanted to become your girlfriend and she’s made it clear that she won’t, and you’re finding it difficult to conceptualize that as anything but rejection.
Rejection is an inevitable facet of life, and we will all face it many times throughout our lives, from the workplace to the romantic realm. None of us particularly love it, but almost all of us could be better at facing and dealing with it. If nothing else, being friendzoned – if you cannot view it positively for any other reason – is at least useful practice for experiencing and then dealing with romantic rejection.
…Be A Better Person!!!